Exphrastic Poetry. My response.

'Chocolate' by Snow Patrol

This could be the very minute
I'm aware i'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name i'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because i'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time.

You're the only thing that I love
Scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least i'll claim I did
But in truth i'm lost for words

What have I done? It's too late for that
What have I become? Truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise i'll do anything you ask, this time.

Adjasant By Zara Azam Rajabian

In dark alleyways,

Or underneath breezed summer sun,

I can be adjasant to the world.

In wrenched and sweat soaked slumber,

I fixate on the moment,

My dreams use my fix as their alibi,

To tell my body as it weakens.

My everything is a hallucination,

Because when love was my drug i became

fastened to you,

When you broke my heart,

I took just one alibi,

In pill form,

Now you are the dream,

As the drug is the day.

Sex as passion Or Sex as destruction

The little prisoner by JANE ELLIOT

Reading this book inspired this blog. Admittedly i have only got three quarters through it..It got me into thinking about how easily we can sleep with people that we barely even know, and self assert this betrayal of our own bodies..our own minds when their are children being forced into it. We go day by day complaining about one night stands despite allowing these 'incidents' to happen fully aware of such rape cases happening around us with full ignorance.

So, with every day learning more and more about a person how can we say with all honesty we know the person that we are sleeping with? There are paticular allowances like sleeping next to our mother, or a close relative when what we do know of them is enough to feel comfortable..but how can we mock one night stands when in such rushed into relationships we do JUST that but repetitivley.

My idea is to keep sex more personal, more indepth and behind closed doors. I, along with the moving world embrace such a thought. Sex isn't just a act of passion, it is an act of jealousy and deviance within 'cheating' and sometimes a favour returned.

Sex has become an act of power, generalised from the 'male sex'. Every woman in the world must assume that men are always guilty from the pleasure of it. However when we read or hear about these stories of domestic relationships, children being kidnapped, raped and murdered ect... we immediatley have that pang of shock. But should we feel guilty for enjoying something in the same nature another person was killed in?

Ofocurse we should not, I don't suggest we do but i do suggest that we take sex more seriously and take factors out of it.

The entire feel of it has been mocked through our new generation, having it brought into every minute of the day conversations..drinking games and generalisation.

Sex aswell as love has become a 'must have' accessory.

Essentially, sex based relationships are presumed to fail so when we think we are falling in love..are we falling in love the idea of a great relationship that is fun and exciting or are we casually missing out on all the relationship qualities that exceed our hopes? 

Is sex actually an act of destruction?

Zara x

Living amongst hypocrisy

What I have come to believe is that from the moment we were born our parents became the protectors. They stopped us from spilling juice down our dresses, they tought us to walk away from fights and defended us against all the other kids. What parents did wrong was creating the world of fairytale romance which we latched onto and somewhere in our hearts carried it with us. Through escapades of childish relationships, relationships that our heads fooled our hearts into falling for..we find that somehow that image of fairytale relationships becomes distorted.

When we become distatched to our parents, when we are spiralled into the big world without romance lurking at every corner :we seek 'love' immediatley. With our roommates that we immediatley ascossiate with even if over time we realise how unique we all are..or the boys that we find at parties, everyone that we were instantly surrounded with.

Yet its difficult to make a distinction between fondness and love. It's something that we can't use our little white lies to cover up because inevitably truth finds its' way out of us.

This is how we live among hypocrisy. As humanity we deny all prospects of failure...we lie to our parents now and then about exam results, about skipping school and money spending. It is in our nature to protect ourselves..just how our parents tought us to.

My learning journal.

A learning journal. It's all concieved within one lesson; The history of us.

Every year in our lives that we spent behind small desks, crowded by the next generation...armed with tools of ink and paper we grow and we learn. Soon, there are no desks and there is a room full of people staring at you in the lecture theatre..waiting to hear what you have to say. Suddenly, its your turn to teach.

But history simply repeats itself when you teach what every other student does before you, is it not time to start learning the unlearnable..the unapproachable..what about love?

All sorts of love, unreciprocal and reciprocal..do we really love each other when we all choose to fight, we choose to be critical, we choose..to be different. Do opposites attract? Why? Love is unexplainable because once you are certain about something, about someone..you could be dropped. A conversation could be like driving and soon you turn a bend that you can't handle. People in relationships are always scared.

Will you go out with me?

5 syllables. A simple and easy question. There will only ever be two true answers and obviously it depends on the rapport between the questioner and the respondee. But, it's a risk. It's like asking someone to bunjee jump with you, the jump might be the most thrilling and exhilirating experience you have ever had but what about the side effects? What about the headaches you will get after, what about if you are afraid of heights...? Ofcourse the question is easy to answer though because we are all guilty of being so ignorant.

I grew up with 2 sisters and a brother. When my parents divorced in 1998 i got used to not having my mum around anymore, her prescence was only in faded perfume and i felt as though a feminine part of me was taken away. Ofcourse all childhoods are difficult, the art of stabilisation is difficult to achieve even for the parents. Then when we started visiting my mother we got used to all of us sleeping in the same bed, i guess it was a comfort thing. I became so attatched to sleeping next to people (obviously not guys, i was 9years old!)

When i grew up i realised that all of us had to face reality and independance. For me it is still not easy to achieve, as my nostalgia refuses to let me get over that phase of my life.

So could an emotionally unstable person like me achieve a relationship with a independant person?

The answer is simple. No. I scare boys away with my consistence with the 'togetherness'. Through this journal i hope to come to a realisation that I, in myself can find inner strength to become more like the girl i had hoped to be. Isn't it hypocritical for us here at uni to feel independant when we still ask our parents for help, when we rush into relationships that are simply the 'rebound' from lonliness. Thats why we need our communication with the opposite sex.

Though i am coming to believe that our friends in life are our soulmates. And the men we have in our life come and go but are not the catalysts to happiness. Its true that 'we never seem to know' (Vapour Trail)

Truth is, we are all students in life..we always will be. Because we are willing to learn from each other even about ourselves. One thing that i am thankful for in this person is that he tought me about my inner beauty..something i had my eyes closed to.

Here is a snippet of my poem (Internally beuatiful)

Blindness isn’t sickness

When you have closed your eyes

The whole time

Open them and you will see

That we hold open arms back to you

If you let us

We could love you once more,

Fade ‘before’ from your mind

And only then

The sunshine could make you blind.

Everyone is aware about what they look for, in nightclubs, in shopping centres, in everyday situations..my vision is paticular because i seek inner beauty within society. My perception of beauty isn't ordinary. It's all thanks to a lesson.

Hurdles

Hurdles in the race. Do they stop us from getting to the final?

Is love a running game, are we always trying to catch up with our friends in this race? Do we always panic when their are hurdles?

Well, Iv'e considered this theory because participating in a relationship you realise talking out problems, realising how big or small they are we cannot ever avoid them. We carry our problems with us everywhere we go.( Prequoted) Do we just go out with the same person over and over again? 

Today I have come to a realisation, since the beginning of mankind we were born to fend ourselves. We will be born alone and we will die alone. Sad. Yet, people merely are afraid of it. We are scared to be alone with our own thoughts and feelings so inevatibly we run away from it. We latch onto other people, we mimick each other. It's why societies values are so predictable, do we all REALLY have the same opinion on a film, do we all enjoy the same things? Even in our own minds we say , sure i'm different to everyone else. We show it on the outside with our appearances ever changing, but isn't this just a shallow attempt to prove society wrong. All we can really do is accept it and learn to love each other but more, much more than that love ourselves.

Is humanity mimickery? Did eve follow adam around picking the same fruit, sleeping at the same time, talking about the same things. Sure they did, thats why we have relationships girl and boy. Because we came as one but end in twosomes. This is where the argumentative relationship comes into it, because our different opinions come into it...eventually we break up sure that we will find someone more 'perfect' who agrees with us. My idea is that this will never happen! So are we just seeing the same person over and over again? With a different name.

This is why the same type of girl goes for 'the bad guys, the wrong guys for them' continuously. Why the guys want to settle down at some time in their lives.

We look for perfection, us girls look for mr right.

But if we can accept that we will always be the same, humanity will never change its contradictive way.. we can all look for mr right now.

Whether the 'now' fades away, we will never know.